


Hello My Old Heart

by butterfingers69



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 00:28:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21090344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterfingers69/pseuds/butterfingers69
Summary: After the Mighty Nine screw up catching Obann again they plan to head out to find some form of success. Essek comes to see them before they go, or more specifically to see Caleb before he goes. Neither want to admit their feelings, but the fear that they may never meet again may change things.





	Hello My Old Heart

“Caleb, have you seen my slippers?” Jester called out, flinging the door open to his study.

Caleb looked away from his wooden desk, where his belongings were laid out systematically on the surface.

“They are pink and have bows on them and they aren’t in my room,” Jester pouted.

“No, I haven’t seen them,” Caleb replied.

Jester left in a huff, closing the door behind herself; surely going off to ask Caduceus or Fjord if they have seen them. Caleb started again, counting each cat figure and book he had before taking them all and packing them into his bag and his fur coat. Once he was done, he glanced at the empty shelves of his bookshelves, running his calloused hand along them.

Being an adventurer often meant not really having a home, he didn’t have one since he was a child. He once dreamed of filling the bookshelves with all kinds of books on history and magic, setting up an elaborate alchemist’s lab to make spell components. Maybe even forming lasting connections with locals but given his luck it would make sense for that to never happen.

Caleb heard the sound of the front door’s chime ringing, and soon after some excited voices in that part if the house. Caleb turned his attention to the familiar sound of Essik’s fluid voice. He made his way to the door and opened it to see Essik at it, hand raised as if to knock. Caleb felt his heart lurch.

Essik’s shoulders were tense and his normal veneer of collected calm seem to wane with his tousled white hair and creased brow. His hand disappeared into his dark cloak.

“Caleb.”

“Essik.”

Essik peered over to the empty room behind Caleb’s shoulder before settling back on his face.

“I heard you will all be leaving soon, Jester sent for me,” Essik explained.

“Yeah, we are hoping to leave as soon as everyone’s ready,” Caleb admitted.

Essik nodded, “I hope you and your friends remain safe in your endeavors.”

Caleb found himself nodding, searching Essik’s face; his deep eyes and thin lips revealing nothing. It was a little dance they did, Caleb supposed, neither could really tell the other’s intentions. Though Essik often seemed to have Caleb out of his depth, but was that in itself a front?

“Don’t work yourself too hard while we’re gone.”

Essik chuckled, slight tension in his shoulders fading. “I don't have much control over that, I’m afraid.”

Caleb’s mind swarmed with thoughts of what Essik may want, or why he is here with Caleb, separate from all his friends. His hands wringed together. _What should I be saying?_

“May I come in?” Essik asked.

Caleb stepped aside, gesturing inside. Essik seemed to float smoothly into the room, looking at the worn, empty room. “Will you be returning? You seem to be clearing out.”

“I’m not certain…I mean I hope so.”

“May I ask what your plans are?”

Caleb wanted to say, _“Why do you care?”_ but would hate to offend. “We are trying to finish things we started. We want to gain information and allies.”

“And you can't find them here?” Essik stated, more then asked.

_Yes, people are spying on us and I still don’t know where your loyalties lie. _

“That is quite alright, I don't blame you. Though I do hope you haven’t given up on your goals,” Essik admitted.

“No, this war needs to stop before both sides are too weak to face the real threat.”

“That is good,” Essik gave a weak, sad smile. “Though, I wish I could do more.”

Caleb saw the slightest shift in Essik’s posture, shoulders slouching and a hand rubbing his forehead wearily; he looked so tired.

“You’ve done more than enough for me and my friends.”

Essik smiled softly in a way that didn't reach his eyes. Then once again he looked off to the empty walls, coasting slowly across the room.

“Can I ask you something Essik?” Caleb asked.

“Yes, though that doesn’t guarantee an answer.”

“Why help us? Why go out of our way to help me learn your magic?”

Essik flashed a look at Caleb. “I suppose I had believed you to be of great potential,” Essik mused. “I felt as if you were destined to be here and that you had particular skills few have.”

Caleb wasn’t sure if he believed him.

“Is that why you are here now?” Caleb questioned.

Essik bit his lip. “After how defeated you all looked last time we met I thought you might be leaving for good.”

Caleb breathed, “I hope not.”

“Also, sorry for being so short with you before,” Essik said, color reaching his face.

“It’s alright, we pushed our luck and weren’t very respectful about it.”

Essik chuckled, “I have come to expect that from your group.”

“Well we all appreciate what you’ve done for us. We’re just not the best… at showing it. I know I really appreciate the risks you’ve taken for our sake.”

Essik looked to Caleb, eyes piercing. Caleb felt as if he was turned inside out, all his desires like organs out on display.

“That may be true and… thank you.”

Caleb’s sight didn’t waver from Essik’s, he felt stones fill his throat. A voice in his head wanted to ask about spells, ask him secrets of his intentions and alignment. The voice was currently overtaken with sweaty palms and a throb in his chest.

“I-”

“Well-”

Both started to talk, halting with Caleb releasing an awkward laugh, arm gesturing to Essik.

“Oh no, you go ahead.”

Caleb swallowed, “I was just going to say we do plan on making it up to you for all the help you’ve given us.”

Essik smiled, gaze looking away once more. “As much as I hope for your return, I still fear you might leave for good,” Essik sighed. “Sometimes I wish the Luxon had other plans.”

Caleb wasn’t a religious man, but he still understood the sentiment. Caleb quietly stepped up to Essik, the distance now being within arm’s reach. Essik’s eyes grew, a light purple flush over his features. Caleb was sure he was quite red himself.

“I like to think we will meet again, hopefully under better circumstances.”

Essik’s hands came from the void of his cloak, grasping his own, worn, round fingers in his hands. Everything in Caleb’s mind stopped working, for a moment there was no war, no devils, no house, just Essik. Then Essik was leaning in and Caleb stuttered; just remembering how to kiss. Then his soft lips were on his own, it was chaste and short, far too short. Essik backed away, face still close. Caleb felt his face pulse with heat.

Suddenly a knock was at the door, Caleb instinctively backed from Essik’s touch.

“Caleb, are you okay?” The gravelly voice of Nott came from the other side.

“Yeah-yeah, I’m fine.”

“Okay, not to rush you but we're ready to go whenever you are done talking to Essik.”

“Thanks, we should be done in a minute.”

“Okay,” Nott said, in a way that insinuated embarrassing things.

Caleb saw Essik straighten his cloak, faint color lingering on his face.

“I got to go...” Caleb said, picking at the edges of his fur coat.

“Indeed, then I won’t hold you up any longer,” Essik nodded, polished persona clicking back in place.

Caleb made his way to guide Essik out of their home. They went down the hall to the main entry way without a word, Caleb’s friends smiled and waved saying a quick goodbye to Essik. Caleb opened the door, stepping out into the dark day. He surely won’t miss the perpetual darkness of this magical city.

Essik turned to face him, “It was good conversing with you, I hope you find what you are looking for.”

“You too,” Caleb stammered.

Essik made no move to leave, still looking to Caleb with an aloof expression. Caleb took a breath, looking away briefly. “For a moment there I thought you were going to ask me to stay.”

Essik gave that sad little smile Caleb has seen too man times, “I don’t allow myself such selfish whims.”

Caleb didn’t know what to say, he wanted to say he deserved better, but couldn’t see himself deserving of such advice.

“Have a good day Caleb,” Essik said.

“Good day.”

And Essik left, causing Caleb quickly made his way inside. He still found himself wishing Essik had asked him to stay, even if it would change nothing. It made sense with his luck.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as an assignment in my creative writing college class, so i'm quite proud of that! i don't know my mark yet, but i hope it is good. thanks for reading!
> 
> Also here is citation for the song I used for the title:  
Heath, Tyler. “Hello My Old Heart.” The Oh Hellos EP, 2011, track 1. theohhellos.com,  
theohhellos.com/the-oh-hellos-ep


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